The Islamic Perspective

 

Below
are tips and suggestions on parenting the Islamic perspective that
I have gathered from various sources.

Natural
Islamic Parenting is many things it can include any and all of the
following:

Recognizing
the Majesty of the Creator, Allah (swt)

Recognizing
pregnancy as an ayah (sign) of Allah's power and creation

Recognizing
that Allah has perfectly created women's bodies for childbearing
and nursing

Recognizing
pregnancy as a natural physical and spiritual phenomena given to
women by our Creator

Exploring
and utilizing midwifery and homebirth, as a protection of the Muslimah's
modesty, and as a recognition that birth is a natural process

Making
a commitment to a natural childbirth, free of drugs and invasive
procedures, by following the example of Maryam in the Qur'an

Making
a firm commitment to Ar Rada' (breastfeeding)

Recognizing
that Ar Rada' is Allah's gift to children, and that it is the best
way to feed and nurture a young infant

Following
the Sunnah of the Prophet in welcoming the newborn child

Circumcising
male children in keeping with the characteristics of the fitrah
state

Using
the "family bed" in order to promote safe infant sleep,
nighttime nursing, and bonding between mother, father, and baby

Supporting
the right of the Muslim mother to stay at home to nurture and educate
her young children

Following
the Sunnah of the Prophet in gently disciplining children

Following
the Sunnah of the Prophet in playing and joking with our children

Following
the Sunnah of the Prophet in showing tenderness and mercy to our
children

Making
a firm commitment to raising our children in an environment free
from the toxic influences in today's culture

Making
a commitment to ensure that our children receive the best education
we can give them, without compromising their modesty and innocence
by putting them in un Islamic environments

Supporting
Islamic schools and Islamic homeschooling

Making
a commitment to our children's health by restricting junk food and
sweets, and by promoting exercise

Teaching
our children to pray by the age of seven

Giving
our children the gift of Tajweed al Qur'an

Making
informed decisions about childhood vaccinations looking at both
sides of the argument

Separating
older boys and girls from one another so that they can remain in
a state of haya' (modesty, shyness) as commanded by Allah and His
Messenger

Teaching
our children about the sanctity of marriage and marital relations
by striving to be an upright and moral Muslim

Encouraging
young girls to be aware of their modesty and also to wear the hijab
and cover their adornments

Encouraging
young men to grow the beard and guard their modesty

Recognizing
that children are an Amana (trust) from Allah born in a state of
complete fitra, and that it is our duty, as Muslim adults, to protect,
nurture, and educate them so that they can grow up as strong Muslim
men and women.

Children
in the Masjid

Nowadays,
it is unfortunate that in many Masjids both brothers and sisters
are annoyed at the presence of children. A cry from a baby or a
roaming toddler can sometimes insight a rude comment. As always,
our best example is the Prophet. These hadith illustrate the prophet
(saws) attitude at the presence of children in the Masjid.

The
Messenger of Allah came out to us for one of the two later prayers
(dhuhr or asr), carrying Hasan or Hussein. The Prophet then came
to the front and put him down (next to his right foot) said takbir
for the prayer and commenced praying. During the prayer, he performed
a very long prostration, so I raised my head and there was the child,
on the back of the Messenger of Allah, who was in prostration. I
then returned to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah had
offered the prayer, the people said: 'O Messenger of Allah! in the
middle of your prayer, you performed prostration and lengthened
it so much that we thought either something had happened or that
you were receiving revelation!' He said: 'neither was the case.
Actually, my son made me his mount, and I did not want to hurry
him until he had satisfied his wish.'" (Reported by Nasaa'i,
Ibn Asakita, and Haakim)

"He
(the Prophet) was praying. When he performed sajdah, Hasan and Hussein
jumped onto his back. When the people tried to stop them, he gestured
them to leave the two alone. After offering his prayer, he placed
them in his lap and said, 'Whoever loves me should love these two.'"
(Reported by Ibn Khuzaimah and Baihaqi)

"The
Messenger of Allah was praying and he was carrying Umama the daughter
of Zainab, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, and she was the
daughter of 'As ibn Rabi'a ibn Abdu-Shams. When he prostrated, he
put her down, and when he stood, he carried her (on his neck)."
(Reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

"The
Prophet said: 'When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong it,
but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike
to trouble the child's mother.'" (Reported by Bukhari)

Advice
from Luqman to his son Surah Luqman verse 12-19

12.
And indeed We bestowed upon Luqman Al-Hikmah (wisdom and religious
understanding, etc.) saying: "Give thanks to Allah," and
whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his own
self. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All-Rich
(Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise.

13.
And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising
him: "O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily!
Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.¹

14.
And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents.
His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship,
and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to
your parents, - unto Me is the final destination.²

15.
But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with
Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not,
but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of
him who turns to Me in repentance and obedience. Then to Me will
be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

16.
"O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain
of mustard seed , and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens
or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle
(in bringing out that grain), Well Aware (of its place).

17.
"O my son! Aqim-is-Salat (offer prayer perfectly), enjoin (people)
for Al-Ma’ruf – (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good),
and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e disbelief in the Oneness
of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad),
and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily! These are some
of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.

18.
"And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk
in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant
boaster.

19.
"And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and
lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice
(braying) of the ass."

Some
Commentary On These Verses From Tafseer Ibn Katheer

*About
Luqman there are different interpretation about him. He was most
likely a righteous man of African descent and was a distinguished
man among his people. There were three probabilities of where he
came from. He was either from the area of Ethophia (Habshah), Nuba
(south of Egypt) or Sudan. He was believed to live during the time
of Prophet Dawuud

*Verse
13 informed us to obey and worship Allah and not to associate anything
with Him. Shirk or making partner with Allah is a great transgression.

*From
verse 14 Allah make it a significant obligation to take good care
of our parents which come right after the order of worshipping Him
and not making Shirk.

(Children
need to be reminded of how hard it is for the parents especially
the mother to take care of them, especially when they were small
and helpless)

*From
verse 15, we need to treat the children with kindness while asking
them to treat us with kindness. We ourselves have to show kindness
to our parents at all times even if they asked you to disobey Allah’s
order.

*From
verse 16, we need to emphasize to the children that even small deeds,
good or bad will receive its reward or punishment and all will be
brought out by Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgment. This will encourage
them to pay extra attention to and be more careful of the consequences
of their behavior.

*Verse
17. Lessons here include encouraging children to make salah on time.
Keeping in mind that we, the parents are PRIME examples. Making
the salah according to what is prescribed by the Prophet. Encouraging
them to do good and forbid evil to the best of their ability and
be patient while doing this because not everybody will respond positively
to them and some people may make fun of them instead, so it is best
to remind them of this often.

*Verse
18. Encourage them to have good manners. To be gentle, helpful,
and to treat people with respect. Be humble and avoid arrogance.

*Verse
19. Teach them not to walk with pride, not to walk too fast or too
slow and do not raise their voices unless it is necessary.

General
tips from Um Walid to other Moms on managing a Muslim household

**When
prayer time comes drop what you are doing and pray. Many of us will
think "as soon as I finish the dishes........" or "...as
soon as I finish this load of laundry...". There is no blessing
in doing anything if it keeps you away from your obligation to Allah.
DROP EVERYTHING and do your salat!

**Take
care of your own needs. How many of us spend our days taking care
of everyone in our families and forgetting to take care of ourselves?
Did you ever skip out on eating to finish the vacuuming or get up
to do the dishes when you should have taken a much-needed nap? When
you are hungry.... eat. When you are tired...sleep. You will be
able to cope with everything in the house much better if you are
fed and rested. If you are hungry and exhausted you are going to
be grouchy and ill tempered and probably not able to accomplish
much anyway.

**Beautify
yourself. Keep yourself fit. Drink lots of water. Take care of your
hair and skin. Don't stop doing cartwheels and climbing trees. Having
a good self-esteem can go a long way in having a healthy state of
mind.

**
Clear your mind. Avoid the TV. Avoid gossipy phone chitchat. Keep
yourself preoccupied with matters of the religion and the matters
of the ummah. Don't ever feel satisfied with yourself that making
dua' is enough. There is jihad going on. Women, babies, and the
innocent are being slaughtered. If you are a Muslim then THIS IS
YOUR PROBLEM (not what is going to happen tomorrow on Days of Our
Lives).

**
Control your temper. Don't scream at your children. Take deep, DEEP
breaths. Seek refuge from shaytan. DO NOT SCREAM. If you scream
you may get an adrenaline rush. This will make your head hurt and
sap your energy. Your throat will be sore and you are going to feel
really guilty afterwards. It will not solve anything, although I
do acknowledge it does one good to vent pent up frustration once
in a while or to show your outrage when your child has done something
REALLY outrageous!

Now
that you are fed, rested, beautiful, calm and making salat on time,
enlist the help of your family members.

**Let
your husband help you. So I have heard that a lot of "Muslim"
husbands don't do housework or help with babies as this is "women's
work". I assume that this is not the norm, since the prophet
(saws) himself was known to cook and sew. Every husband brings his
contribution to his family. Whatever it is, no matter how small
let him know that you appreciate it and pray for him.

**Raise
responsible children. Even toddlers and preschoolers and give you
a hand in the housework. My 5-year-old and 3.5-year-old know how
to load and unload the washer. After their bath I throw them a floor
towel and they mop up any splashes themselves as well as pick up
their bath toys. It's their job to pick up the toys in the house
(although I admit that I have trouble with this with my 2-year-old
and 3.5-year-old and my 5-year-old gets stuck picking up after everybody).
Some mothers think that it is too much of a hassle to teach them
and it is just easier and faster if they do it themselves. It is
a hassle in the beginning, but once they learn the system it's a
HUGE help. Even little things, like knowing how to pour their own
juice, has been a tremendous help for me.

Okay,
so what about the house?

**Simplify
your home! A sister once said to me words that ring in my ear til'
today: " When my house is a mess, my mind is a mess."
Isn't that so true! Clear out the clutter. Get rid of all that stuff
that is getting on your nerves. It is so much easier to clean up
when you don't have that much stuff to clean up anyway. Don't save
anything in case SOMEDAY you might need it. There is probably a
Muslim somewhere who could use it TODAY.

**Create
a homeschool-functional house. There is a sister I know who homeschools
who put charts and visuals up throughout her house. She does not
care how funny it might look to guests. I cleared the knick-knacks
from my corner shelf and filled it with the globe, books, and puzzles.
I got rid of a loveseat to make room in the living room for a table
that is serving as our workstation. Create a home that will serve
your family not impress your guests!

When
all else fails and your having a rotten day........

**Improve
the atmosphere. Open a window, burn some incense, play some Qur'an
recitation or nasheed.

**
Get assistance from multimedia. Keep a library of educational CD's
and Videos. I regularly check out National Geographic and others
from my local library. Play them a video or put on a CD and feel
good that they are learning something, not just wasting time.

Children's
Character

Many
people are concerned about their children's unstable characters
and the effects of luxury on their personalities. How can we introduce
strength and honor into our children's characters?

Answer

Praise
be to Allah. The issue referred to in the questions is one of the
most serious problems in raising children nowadays. Some of the
Islamic solutions to this problems and ways of instilling strength
and honour in our children's character are listed below:

Takniyyah
(using the kunya or patronymic? in addressing children). Calling
a young boy 'Abu Fulan' (Father of so and so) or a young girl 'Um
Fulan" (Mother of so and so) will make the child feel more
responsible and grown up, so he will become more mature and will
feel above normal childishness.

Taking
them to gatherings and letting them sit with grown-ups. This will
increase their understanding and wisdom, make them try to imitate
adults, as well as keeping them form spending to much time on games
and entertainment.

Talking
to them about the heroic deeds of earlier and subsequent generations,
Islamic battles and victories. This will encourage them to be brave
which is one of the most important parts of being strong and honourable.

Teaching
them good manners for example as narrated by Abu Hurairah from the
Prophet (pbuh) said: "The young should greet the old, the passerby
should greet one who is sitting and the small group should greet
the larger group" (Al Bukhari)

Giving
them the praise and respect they deserve in fronts of others as
shown in the following hadith. Sahl ibn Sa'd said that the Prophet
(pbuh) was brought a cup and he drank from it. There was a boy the
youngest of the people, on his right ad some elders on his left.
He said, "O young boy, will you allow me to give this to the
elders?". The boy said, "I will not give away my share
of your blessings to anyone, O Messenger of Allah. So he gave the
cup to him. (Bukhari)

Teaching
them manly sports. Such as archery, swimming and riding horse.

Avoid
humiliating them especially in front of others.

Never
belittling their ideas and encouraging them to take part.

Consulting
them and asking for their opinions. Giving them responsibilities
in accordance to their age and abilities.

Teaching
them to be brave as appropriate - including how to speak in public.

Making
sure their clothes are modest and protecting them from inappropriate
clothing, hairstyles, movements and ways of walking.

Making
sure that boys do not wear silk, as this is only for woman.

Avoiding
extravagance, luxury, laziness and idleness.

Avoiding
entertainment or pastime gathering, singing, music and other wastes
of time because these go against strength, honour and seriousness.

These
are some of the ways and means, which will increase strength and
honor and protect our children.

Allah
is the One Who guides to the Straight Path.

Dealing
With Slowness In Children

This
behaviour can be divided into 2 categories: deliberate and unintentional.
Unintentional slowness often occurs in younger children because
of their inability to understand the concept and value of time as
do adults. Parents can play racing game to help speed things up,
set up realistic expectation according to the child's age, break
down the tasks in easy and manageable segments. Parents can also
plan for additional time for the child to complete the task. Deliberate
slowness often occurs in older children as a form of indirect avoidance
in doing the task. A solution for this is for parents to reward
the child for completing the task in a prescribed period of time.

Al-Jumuah
vol.11 issue 7

Encouraging
Children To Pray

Abdullah
ibn Amr ibn al-Asr, narrated that the Apostle of Allah said, "Command
your children to make salah when they become seven years old, and
spank them for it (salah) when they become ten years old, and arrange
their beds (to sleep) separately. " (Abu Dawud)

-Informal
teaching should start when child starts to show interest usually
occurs around the age of two.

-Let
them pretend to make salah.

-Invite
them to pray along side and join the family jemaah prayer.

-The
next step is to learn al-Fatihah which should begin around the age
of three or four. Break down the instructions by using reasonable
number of verses or small segments.

-The
practice session should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this
age consistency is more important than length of practice.

-Important
to remember that not all children are ready at the same time and
that not everyday will the child be ready to learn new materials.

-Educational
products can assist parents in achieving success with their children
because children generally learn in different ways therefore introduction
of material through different format (video, coloring book, going
to the masjid) will help ease and reinforce the learning process.

-One
of the most important thing that a parent should do is to praise
the child for each accomplished task and encouragement to achieve
more success.

Al
Jumuah Vol 11 Issue 5/6

Turn
Off The Television

Explore
the great outdoors.

Encourage
reading and acquiring Islamic knowledge.

Enrol
in classes.

Get
to know your family better.

Visits
library, zoo and museum.

Television
is one of the biggest negative influences on our children and is
responsible for desensitising their minds about the environment
they live in…TURN IT OFF !!!!!!!

Al-Jumuah
Vol. 11 Issue 4

Being
Fair and Just with Our Children

The
Messenger of Allah also said: "Treat your child equally, treat
your child equally, treat your child equally." (Ahmad, Abu
Dawud, Ibn Hibban)

Al-Nu'man
ibn Bashir said: "My father conferred upon me a slave as a
gift. He took me to Allah Messenger (saw), to get a witness. The
Messenger of Allah said, 'Have you given a gift to every son of
yours such as you have awarded Al-Nu'man?' He my father said, 'No.'
The Messenger of Allah said, 'Be mindful of your obligation to Allah
and do justice in respect of your children.' My father came back
and revoked his gift." (Agreed upon)

Usama
bin Zaid (ra) narrated: Allah Messenger (saw) used to put me on
(one of) his thighs and Hasan bin Ali on his other thigh, and then
embraced us and said: "O Allah! Please be Merciful to them,
as I am merciful to them." (Bukhari)

Al-Jumuah
Vol. 11 Issue 9

Suggestions
to minimize the negative aspects of sibling conflict

Show
affection with younger children. Especially after arrival of a new
baby.

Acknowledge
child's feelings of jealousy and frustration.

Design
a reward program for cooperative behaviour between arguing children.

Avoid
comparing children especially if they are at different developmental
levels.

Treat
them fairly and be careful not to show favouritism.

Lastly
remember that fighting between siblings is normal. If handled correctly
can be a learning opportunity for the children.

Al-Jumuah
Vol. 11 Issue 8