I am a religiously-committed Tunisian girl, but I have a problem. My fiancé refuses to let me wear hijab – even modern hijab. I am wondering whether I should go ahead with the marriage or reject him? Please note that most Tunisians are like this.
Praise be to Allaah.
Our advice to you is to heed the command that Allaah has given to all people, the earlier and later (generations), advice that combines the best of this world and the Hereafter. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And verily, We have recommended to the people of the Scripture before you, and to you (O Muslims) that you (all) fear Allaah, and keep your duty to Him”
What goodness can there be in this world if it involves incurring the wrath of the Lord, may He be exalted? What happiness can there be if it is not following that path that leads to Allaah’s pleasure? Would a believer be happy to make gains in this world and lose out in the Hereafter?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what you do.
19. And be not like those who forgot Allaah (i.e. became disobedient to Allaah), and He caused them to forget their ownselves (let them to forget to do righteous deeds). Those are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah).
20. Not equal are the dwellers of the Fire and the dwellers of the Paradise. It is the dwellers of Paradise that will be successful”
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men to choose a wife who is religiously-committed, and he told women and their guardians to choose a man who is also religiously-committed.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1022).
The man who prevents his wife from wearing hijab is not a man of good character or religiously committed who deserves to be married. Rather it is most likely that the one who prevents his wife from wearing hijab will also be negligent about other major sins and actions that doom one to Hell. How can he protect his wife and household, or how can he raise his children to obey Allaah when he is disobeying Him and telling others to do likewise?
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (24/62):
The wali (guardian) should not give the female relative in his care in marriage to anyone but a man who is pious and righteous. End quote.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said in al-Muntaqa (4/question no. 198):
When marrying, we should choose righteous spouses who adhere firmly to their religion, who respect the sanctity of marriage and the importance of good treatment (of spouses). It is not permissible to be careless with regard to this matter. Such heedlessness has become widespread nowadays, with regard to this important matter. People give their daughters and female relatives in marriage to men who do not fear Allaah and the Last Day, and they end up complaining about the husbands and they are confused about how to deal with them. If they had looked for a righteous man before marriage, Allaah would have made it easy for them (to find such a man). But in most cases this stems from negligence and a failure to seek righteous husbands, and a bad man can never be suitable. It is not permissible to take this matter lightly, because (such a man) will mistreat the woman and he may lead her away from her religion or influence her children. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb (al-Nikaah/Ikhtiyaar al-Zawj/question no. 16):
What the woman’s guardian must do if a suitor comes to propose to her is to find out about his religious commitment and character. If they are good then he should give her to him in marriage, and if they are not good then he should not do so, and Allaah will bring to his female relatives one who is religiously committed and of good character, for when Allaah knows that the reason why the guardian did not give her to that suitor was so that a man of good character and religious commitment could propose to her, then He will help him to find such a man. End quote.
What we think is that you should not accept this fiancé, and Allaah will compensate you with someone better than him.
And Allaah knows best.