He tells her to shake hands with men and threatens to divorce her if she does not do it

 

A man tells his wife to shake hands with men, and he strongly insists on that, and the matter has reached the point of divorce. They have a daughter, and the wife refuses to do that. What should the wife do? What advice do you give them?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

It is not
permissible for a man to shake hands with a non-mahram woman, and it is not
permissible for her to allow that. 

The fact
that such hand-shaking is haraam is indicated by the report narrated by
al-Bukhaari (4891) and Muslim (1866) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased
with her) who said: By Allaah, the hand of (the Prophet) (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of a woman when
accepting the oath of allegiance. When he accepted a woman’s oath of
allegiance he said: “Go, for I have accepted your oath of allegiance.” 

This was the
infallible one, the best of mankind, the leader of the sons of Adam
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him); he never touched women although
the basic principle concerning the oath of allegiance is that it should be
done with a handshake. So how about other men? 

It was
narrated that Umaymah, the daughter of Raqeeqah, said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I do not
shake hands with women.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (4181) and Ibn Maajah
(2874); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2513).
It was narrated from Ma’qil ibn Yasaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one
of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be
better for him than touching a woman who is not permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami’ (no. 5045). 

This clearly
shows that it is haraam.  

Al-Kharashi
said in Sharh Mukhatasar Khaleel (1/275): Shaking hands with a woman
who is not a mahram is not permitted.  And Allaah knows best. End quote. 

In
Haashiyat al-‘Adawi ‘ala Sharh al-Risaalah (2/474) it says: It is not
permissible for a man to shake hands with a woman, even if she is very old.
End quote. 

“Very old”
means so old that she would not be regarded as desirable. 

In
al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (29/296) it says: There is no difference of
opinion among the fuqaha’ that it is not permissible to touch the face and
hands of a non-mahram woman even if there is no risk of desire. This applies
if she is a young, desirable woman. The Maalikis and Shaafa’is are of the
view that it is haraam to touch a non-mahram women and they make no
distinction between young and old women. End quote. 

Secondly:  

A wife is
not obliged to obey her husband if he tells her to shake hands with
non-mahram men, rather it is not permissible for her to do that, because
there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience
towards the Creator. 

This husband
has to fear Allaah and beware of His wrath and painful punishment. This
command of his goes against the command of Allaah, and his threatening his
wife with divorce is unjust treatment of her. He should be happy that she is
obeying her Lord and he should help her to do that.  

Thirdly: 

If the
husband persists in his attitude, and threatens to divorce her, and insists
on that, then it seems – and Allaah knows best – that the wife may shake
hands with men from behind a barrier, and do the lesser of the two evils so
as to ward off the greater of the two. But she should reduce the chances of
meeting men as much as she can so that she can avoid shaking hands. She
should also try to advise her husband and explain the truth to him, so that
he will change his mind.  

If the
husband is not convinced by that, and he insists that she shakes hands
without a barrier, then she should not obey him, and she should be patient
and seek reward with Allaah, even if she gets divorced, especially if this
is a first divorce. Perhaps the husband will come to his senses if a divorce
takes place, and will realize that he is destroying his family himself, for
the sake of something haraam. 

She should
also seek the help of righteous people among his family and hers, to resolve
this dispute and convince the husband to change his mind, and remind him to
fear Allaah and remember that He is always watching. 

The wife
should also be certain that Allaah will grant her a way out, for He does not
forsake those who obey Him and He defends the believers.  

We ask
Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight. 

And Allaah
knows best.