I do not enjoy intercourse with my husband. I researched on the internet and I found out that I need stimulation for a long time, 30 to 45 minutes. But my husband does not know that and he thinks that I am reaching climax. I have two questions: I let him think that I have reached climax so that I will not bother him and spoil his enjoyment. Is this regarded as lying? If he asks me whether I enjoyed it, I tell him yes, meaning that I only enjoyed seeing him. The more important question is that he stimulates me during intercourse but I do not reach a climax, then immediately after that I resort to masturbation until I reach a climax. Is this haraam? I know that masturbation is haraam but I know that my husband will never help me because it needs too much time, and he wants to fulfil his desire. What should I do?.
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing wrong with what you have mentioned about
pretending to have reached climax, rather it is indicative of the
intelligence and wisdom with which Allaah has blessed you and of your good
treatment of your husband. We ask Allaah to reward you for that and to make
it a cause of happiness for you and your husband.
It is not lying if you tell him that you enjoyed it, meaning
that you only enjoyed seeing him.
Masturbation is haraam, including the way that you have
mentioned. What you have to do is to stop doing that, and repent from what
has happened in the past. You should understand that this is may reduce your
pleasure with your husband, and make the problem that you are suffering
This problem is usually due to two main reasons:
1 – The husband’s not understanding the problem or not having
any interest in solving it after he finds out about it. From your question
it seems that your husband is keen to make you enjoy it, and he understands
that a woman may be deprived of that. Hence the way to deal with it is to be
frank about it, in a way that will not hurt his feelings or spoil his
enjoyment. Perhaps as time goes by you will find an opportunity to tell him,
in an appropriate manner, so that you will not be forced to resort to
something haraam and you will be able to enjoy that which Allaah has
permitted for you.
2 – It may be due to the nature of the husband or wife, in
terms of strength or weakness of desire. This can be dealt with by natural
means, medication or psychological preparation and doing that which will
increase love, and the most important is the wish of each spouse to fulfil
the desire of the other.
See also question no.
And Allaah knows best.