Thursday, 6 October 2011

She wants to help her fiancé with regard to marriage but her siblings say no


I am a young woman aged 23 and am engaged. I was to help my fiancé with the requirements of marriage so that we can get married as soon as possible, because he is not well off, but my sisters do not agree. Please note that I will pay with my own money. Is that permissible, or does he have to provide everything?.

Praise be to Allaah.

You have
done well in your intention to help your fiancé so that he can get married
to you. This is something for which you should be thanked, and it is
indicative of strong religious commitment and deep wisdom. 

Your helping
your fiancé to go ahead with the marriage is helping him with his religious
commitment and faith, and this is one of the greatest acts of worship, and
is something that is regarded as praiseworthy in Islam. It is one of the
best ways of spending one’s money. 

It was
narrated that Thawbaan said: When the verse “And
those who hoard up gold and silver” [al-Tawbah 9:34]
was revealed, we were with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said: This has
been revealed concerning gold and silver; if we knew of any better kind of
wealth we would acquire it. He said: “The best of it is a tongue that
remembers Allaah, a heart that is grateful and a believing wife who will
help him with his faith.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3094) and Ibn Maajah
(1856). In Ibn Maajah’s report it says: “who will help one of you with
regard to the Hereafter.” The hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi
and as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

“A believing
wife who will help him with his faith” means with his religious commitment,
by reminding him to pray and fast and to do other acts of worship, and will
prevent him from committing zina and other haraam deeds. 

al-Ahwadhi (8/390) 

marriage helps a man to obey Allaah and keeps him away from haraam things
such as looking and listening, and protects him from falling into zina. 

This is in
general terms, but you should pay attention to some things, including the

The man’s seriousness with
regard to marriage and how hard is is striving to meet the requirements of
marriage. Because some people depend on the help of others and are not
serious about doing what is required of them.

If your fiancé is serious and
he can afford some of the expenses of marriage but not all of them, there is
nothing wrong with your helping him with some of what he needs, such as the
wife buying some of the furniture and household equipment, or paying for
some of the wedding expenses.

The fiancé is a “stranger”
(non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract is done, so during
the engagement period it is not permissible for him to be alone with her,
shake hands with her or go out with her, rather he is like any other
stranger. See question no.

We ask
Allaah to help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and
to bless you with good offspring. 

And Allaah
knows best.

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